This shouldn’t surprise anyone, certainly not me, but life is often very busy. Now, while everyone knows this, the reason I’m pointing it out is not because my life has been very busy (which it has), it’s that the days when my life is not very busy, it feels like taking a deep breath after having been under water for far too long. The days I haven’t been busy make me want to melt into the couch and turn my brain to something that has no relevance to the here and now. My obvious go-to is TV, I love catching up on my shows, and getting sucked into new ones, such as Fullmetal Alchemist, which I just finished this weekend. My deep-breath days are especially bad for doing things I know I should do, like cleaning the apartment, blogging, calling friends and family, etc. These are all things I want to do, things that I know would make me happy, but when that deep breath fills my lungs and floods my brain with fresh oxygen all I can think is “Time for ME!”. Don’t get me wrong, I still knit during this time, but knitting from a pattern, watching TV, reading blogs, these are passive things. Every time I try out this method of relaxation it feels good at the start, but soon enough that deep breath goes stale and I feel like there’s no oxygen left in the air.
I need to get better at this. Because as good as a day of nothing feels, the guilt that pours in after you realize you’ve done nothing with your time is excruciating, and entirely unnecessary. Maybe writing this all down won’t make a difference, but I hope it does. I want to get better at generating to-do lists and actually crossing things off. I won’t go cold turkey on TV, knitting, the internet, or anything else that distracts me, but I will get better at limiting my use of these things as a crutch. There are things that I want to do with my life and they won’t get done unless I do them.
Does anyone else struggle with this? Do you have tips to keep focused and motivated? Let me know in the comments and maybe we can get through this together.